The father’s role at least strictly biologically speaking is a limited one in the life of his own progeny. It begins with the fertilization of the mother’s egg that crucially includes transmitting his genes. And if a father is not careful and responsible, it could be limited to that, which in some ways will be a sorry tale of fatherhood.
From the time an egg is fertilized, it begins to naturally live within a realm called the mother’s womb. To this womb the mother supplies nourishment, care, protection, physiological and psychological buildup. The fetus growing in the mother’s womb as well as the infant child do not have the immunity needed to survive in the world. While in the womb the mother provides antibodies through the placenta for the fetus to survive hostile attacks. Outside the womb it is the mother’s milk that provides the antibodies required to build immunity to lay the very foundations of life. Every aspect of the physical being of the child develops directly in relation to the mother’s body in those early stages of life. The roughly nine months of development in the mother’s womb bonds the child to the mother like no other relationship can. This mysterious yet powerful relationship is called antenatal bonding, and should the mother disown that child during its early stages of development, it often can become a struggle for the building up of the psychological strengths of the child to take on the world in later life. Thus nature from the beginning makes mothers that very special parent, and it is for the mother to forsake this privilege, which unfortunately sometimes happens.
But as life for the child develops in the world outside, nature gives the father ample opportunity to catch up with the mother to become either another very special parent or to outclass the mother as the very special parent. Experts studying human behaviour are now delving into researching antenatal behaviour of fathers too. Though fathers do not have the privilege of helping a fetus grow within their own bodies, under normal circumstances they very closely are involved with the growth of the fetus for which they are responsible in the bodies of the women who carry them. Fathers observe the changes to the mothers’ physiology, the steep challenges mothers go through, the mood changes, the peculiar cravings, the immunity deficiencies, and many more. Fathers hear heartbeats emerging from the womb at doctors’ clinics and see fetuses kick. Fathers see changes in the shape of the womb as the fetus moves positions. A good and responsible man gets emotionally involved with these developments and begins to develop a strong antenatal attachment to his child. Oxytocin, the love hormone, is secreted by the pituitary gland both in the mother as well as the father in significant and consistent quantities especially in the early stages of a child’s life. Thus, a father is in no way at a loss or disadvantage when it comes to bonding with his child at the earliest stages in his child’s life.
Then what is it that makes either parent a very special parent?
It all boils down to attitudes and behaviors. The very special parent clings on to the children, is tender towards them, serves them sacrificially, lives (i.e. spends time) for them and with them, is incomplete without them, will fight with anyone to see that his/her kids are with him/her; will responsibly feed them, provide for them, and nurture them; will forgive them, bear their burdens, and walk with them the second mile. Simply put, the very special parent no more lives for him/her-self. S/he lives for his/her children.
From the child’s perspective the very special parent just simply spends more time with him/her; loves him/her steadfastly and unconditionally, and desires their company. The very special parent from a child’s perspective is fun to be with.
These and many more duties come naturally to a mother because most women tend to be more responsible, multi-tasking, nonerratic, cautious, careful, caring, loving, service-oriented, sociable, and forbearing. Mothers tend not to be too preoccupied in their own worries and anxieties as fathers sometimes are inclined to be. Fathers tend more easily to be provoked to anger and frustration, and to be domineering than mothers are. But mothers are also more likely than fathers to have time off from work to stay at home exclusively with a child in the early years of its life, which is so very important for bonding. Research has found that the parent who spends more time with a child understands the child better, has more empathy for the child, and is likely to get along with the child better.
In some families, men take on this role ahead of their wives and the children get more attached to them than to their mothers. But in most cases mothers perform these duties naturally and easily, and that is what makes a mother in majority cases globally that very special parent. Though not all mothers may fully realize it, the bonds they develop with their children in the early stages of the children’s lives empower mothers significantly as the years pass and the children grow to be adults. Such is the impact of this empowerment that in many cultures around the world a mother is sometimes equated with god and considered exceptional. Thus, to be a mother is to be someone great and the status to be commemorated.
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